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ClaraJeanette
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Well, it's been some time since I've blogged. This blog seem to contain more unhappy posts than happy posts since last year =( Hopefully things will start picking up for me. I keep feeling that I'm just pushing my life or rather school life into disarray. I keep doing things thinking that if i do it, i'm sure to benefit from it. But now that I'm stuck with it, it doesn't seem like anything but crap =/
I've decided to take 3.5. modules this semester, instead of the recommeded 4., simply because I'm just not in the mood of school this semester and partly because I'm planning quite a few events this semester for Bonude. Ironic ya. I wanted to see less of school, but still have to come back and plan more for all these events. Which brings me to wonder at times - what for?
I'm not going to be doing my internship this summer, unlike what i previously intended for it to be. My friends will all be doing their internships this summer and clearing it and learning so much more in the process. I feel rather left out and wasted now. What was I thinking when I signed up for Bondue man?? So in order to salvage myself from futher sliding down the slippery slope, I'm thinking of taking a summer term (whether I clear 2 or 1 modules remains to be seen). I'm just hoping that everything will go smoothly.
I want to go for exchange. I NEED to go for exchange. get a breather from the SMU life. Anywhere is better than here. I repeat: ANYWHERE is definitely better than here. So, I'm thinking maybe next Jan. But then, i've got to figure where to place my internship, cos if i do go in Jan, chances are I might miss out on my internship application or have to cut short my stay. And of course there's also this issue of where to go. Everyone says they are either going to Europe/US. I initially wanted to go there, you know cos Europe is exotic and USA is huge and interesting, but hmmmmm......unless I'm going with friends, then I would go there. If not, I really would like New Zealand or Australia. New Zealand is really needless to say cos, I LOVE NZ, I LOVE LOVE the way of life, I love the air, I love the people, Australia, has always been my first love before NZ came in the picture. Hahaha. Slightly busier than NZ but nevertheless awesome to stay. I would like to exchange there even though people are giving that kind of look (the "why do you want to go there, it is so damn boring" look) but oh man, the lifestyle - I'm heading there for the lifestyle man. And okay fine, yes maybe Jeremy studying does play a part in it. the fact that we only get to see each other 3 months every year plays a part in me wanting to go Australia. But. my friends have told me not to go there just because my boyfriend is there. hmmmm...i understand their point but nevertheless. Away from home, a less busy life, much cooler climate, boyfriend whom i don't get to see for 3/4 of the year with me.......whoo., okay, I'm leaving it for someone up there to decide for me.
I bumped into Ber today, she's graduating this semester. Man, can you imagine, she has already gone through almost everything that SMU has thrown at her. And she's getting out of it!!!!! Damn, I would love to be there now. Just fast forward my next 2 years, my grades aren't even good anyway.
Hahaa, shucks i've been complaining so much about SMU. Life and choices. tsk, makes things so annoyingly hard to handles sometimes. Hope you are having a better start to the term than I have!
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Oh man, the holidays really suck this time round. I've been so unhappy the past few days, I mean, it's the holidays for crying out loud and why am I moping about being all sulky and frustrated. Not right at all. |
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Oh man, I now in school trying to cram my Management Science contents into my head, but it just ain't working. My eyelids are also drooping. shit. I'm so bummed, I can't have reached burn out stage so fast now can I ? I've only had 2 papers - Marketing and International Econs (IE was insanely torturous). Oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap. Damn worried!! Shit. hm. |
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 Ta da! I received my GII Exam goodie bag from Darren and Sandrine today! So sweet! =) And the small little sweets and chocs definitely sustained me throughout my revision today. (It looks rather crumpled from here, but only because I stuffed it into my bag on the way home). And Darren included a picture of a Troll at the corner. It's rather amusing! I love the goodie bag! though i did wish it contained answers to my upcoming tes!s=)) |
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Yes WE can!!!!! With God's grace, anything is possible. So let's go! Nearly reaching the finishing line. May I have enough time to revise on Management Accounting and Management Science. please. |
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Well that being said, I find myself here again, exactly where I was 1 year ago. Mugging for the exams and feeling like I am on the brink of getting Cs for every module. I can't believe how time flies really, it feels like it was only yesterday when I was studying in the library with Lavi and laughing ( that's my version of being hysterical) over Financial Accouting while digesting instant mee to calm myself down.
This year, I'm pulling my hair, screwing out my eyeballs over INTERNATIONAL ECONS. LEUNG HING-MAN, you made my life extremely tough and miserable this semester by awarding me a C- in my mid terms (yes, the horror) & B+ for my presentation. I spent my entire afternoon pouring over 2 miserable chapters - and mind you, not much is going in. Oh $#&* it.
Anyway, on a lighter note! 5 more days to Jeremy's return! Unfortunately, my exams only end on the 1 Dec that means 1 whole week wasted =/ Well, at least he'll be around, that would definitely feel much better. All righto, time to get back down to the 3rd chapter of 8 chapters (and that's excluding essays). Till then, ALL THE BEST for your exams =)
Love, Clara |
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The overhanging grey clouds, the light dewy wind, the cool refreshing air and let's not forget the perpetual rainfall. All these signs herald the start of another period in the year (I won't go as far as to say season). And soon enough, Christmas will be coming! But for now, I've to prioritise my timetable and start working. I have no idea which module to start revising for. Everything is in a disarray. Oh no. I need help. (looks up to the sky) |
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Today I attended the Dean's Tea with my fellow Bondue Exco members and SMUSA Committee Members at the Treehouse. We discussed issues on the school's currculum and student life. Questions thrown up were as such , " Students have complained that the Business modules are not as rigourous as those in Accounting and Economics..." and " Fewer students are committing themselves to CCA and just merely fixated in their quest for GPAs, how do we tackle such issues" ...
You know the thing is, we can always be involved in these discussions but then,how much of these ideas thrown up are effective? I voiced out that if we really wanted a balance student life especially more so for the freshmen, then perhaps we should get them to participate/complete an event while they are in year 1. Because from my own experience, once you start on one event, you will naturally go on to the next and the next and the next and thus effectively breaking the inertia. But of course, all these are said with the assumption that all work and no play is NOT a balanced life style and that it IS WRONG. Which I have to disagree to a certain extent, because there are just some people who find the "balance" in their life is to just study study and study.
It is pretty scary how the SMU culture can be. One of the issues that the Prof Ong (Associate Dean for LKCSB) mentioned was that SMU is attracting more and more 4A s A level holders, so naturally the competive nature is instilled in them,peers see them working will feel anxious and kaisu and start working as well, hence the "unbalanced" student life.
Also, I find it's insane that there is hardly any space in the library anymore, we have to hunt for chairs if we come in to the library from 3pm onwards. Seminar rooms are never as spacious as before, now you've to sit shoulder to shoulder with your classmates. We are definitely attracting far too many students than the school can actually accomodate.
One can only hope that since our views have been aired, there will be some action taken.
oookay..i should not have drunk coffee in the evening, now I feel tired but not sleepy - neither here nor there. Darn. Back to the books! 2 more eeks till exams !!!! HOLIDAYS ARE COMING ! |
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Is there anything wrong in wanting fame and fortune |
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 This picture that I found on the web looks pretty simliar to the picture that I have on my wall. A friend sent it to me by post saying that since he wasn't able to physically send me the flowers, he took a picture of it and posted it to me instead. Haha, it made my day when I received it.=) Well, I'm glad the week has gone by, it has not been a good week school-wise because of the most uphill task of trying to piece together my Managment Accounting Project. And I tell you, I can suck at it. At least things are falling into place now =) Wheew. But the week started off swell !! cos SMU Softball did really well! The guys got Champs for IVP and the girls got 1st runner up! =) And it was really fun playing with them, I wished I realised it sooner. Awesome feeling doing something active, heathly, under the sun, with friends, without pressure. And my pitching improved! I would like to say it was as good as when i was in sec 4 but nope, it was fairly all right nevertheless, I controlled the ball and not the other way! =) Happy Happy after that match. Great feeling. If only everyday was like that. |
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Oh SHIT. Another grumbly post. I just screwed my Management Accounting Quiz. Like Big Time. I didn't answer 5 questions = 50 marks gone, and another question definitely wrong i.e. in total 60 marks gone. People managed to finish the paper. I feel that all my hardwork is always unjustified. I think I'm working wrongly. I feel so dishearten. International Econs on thursday. If I don't do better than average for this test...... I'm gone for this module. This makes me want to go overseas and study all the more - where there is less competition, seriously. |
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 Interlocking Spurs, Kalbarri, WA I've had enough of Accounting. Argh, enough with the stuffing of numbers down my throat already! There are still some loose ends that need to be tied up before tuesday, but I must say, for tonight I'm saturated =/ This semester so far has been really insane. I have had no time to organise any sports sunday for G2, go out running at night with them or have suppers either =( Life's been rather sad. School has caught me up in a whirlwind of events, since the end of summer where I was involved heavily in FTB and Bondue camp, and then came Elections Comm and now midterms and IVP , soon to be project and report deadlines and finally end of term papers. I can't believe I would have accomplished so much within a mere 15 weeks. Come Dec hols, I'm going to LIVE IT UP. Rid myself entirely from school before starting the mad rush all over again. To all my friends, who feel the same, PRESS ON!!! The end is near! =) |
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Well, midterm break is here and almost over and done with. Somehow, I don't think there was enough time for me to get back all my energy before sprinting again. I'm really worried about my modules this semester : Management Science, Management Accounting, International Econs, Marketing.
For Management Science, I always feel cheated whenever I get back my assignments, because I don't copy other people's homework I give myself a chance to try out all the questions on my own, whereas the rest of my classmates do copy and even if they dont understand, they still score so much better than me in assignments. And the difference in marks is a lot. So yes, and i don't really want to count on my tests either to pull me up because I'm just not into this kind of dry operational mathematics.
For Management Accounting, I'm actually quite all right on my own, the only worrying thing is my project which is a major component, because none of my group members are good in accounting, and my dad whom we are relying information from...is just...well...not stellar quality I would say. So there goes the project =(
And the pain in the ass, INTERNATIONAL ECONS. Oh my god, I HATE YOU ECONS I HATE HATE HATE YOU TO THE CORE. I believe this angst towards econs stemmed from the Kelly Tan (VJ's econs tutor) days. She was horrible in giving us the basics. And now, my econs prof, I have reasons to believe, does not like me. And this idiot shows favouritism as well. He already pulled me down in my presentation, and for class participation, let's just say I dont' have much to add because, honestly, I spend more time grappling to understand the concepts taught.
SIGH.
What does a girl need to do in this horrid school to pull up her grades? I really don't want to see a B blemish on my results page again. I've quite enough thank you. =( All right, I've done my bit of whinning here, I shall be off now smugging.
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Had softball training today after a very dreary - sleepy morning. Urgh, it's been awhile since I've batted and my hands have all gotten soft, so when i batted 100 balls today, oooh man...i had 4 blisters in one shot. Argh, so painful so so so painful =( Now my poor hands are wrapped in plasters, showering was a particulary painful experience. Pitching was aggravting, simply because i know i was doing everything wrong, but couldn' correct myself and friendlies and IVP is coming in 3 weeks time (?!) How, you tell me, so unprepared.
After training, I brought the family to MInori's at Tanjong Katong for Japanese Buffet. It's going to burn a hole in my pocket when the bill comes in, but ah well, it's good money spent - good food, good service, good family to share the food with =)
It's already the end of week 5! Yay, I'm so happy that time is flying past. I just want it out of the window, so that i can see Jeremy soon. 10 more weeks to go! Please come soon. I can't wait to end the term already |
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Never know when to seize an opportunity and regret later seriously got to stop this |
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Cutting across the Kallang Tennis Courts seemed almost unfamiliar as I made my way down to the pitch. Even the place looked different. Now they have spanking new roads and pavements, which makes it a hell lot easier to walk to the field - no more stumbling and worrying that you will fall into that huge drain when a car comes zooming past.
From the road, I see a circle of unfamiliar people stretching at the dugout. With some doubts, I crossed the field (guess what! no more holes that will sprain your ankle in a second!) and saw 'Back Softball' banners hanging on the fences. Well, at least Deirdre was there! But there were so many guys! Urgh, male dominated sport! Why why why. But I shouldn't be complaining much i guess, it will definitely benefit us especially during our mixed teams matches.
Anyway, when i started my throwing, I was so rusty, few wild throws here and there. Fielding wasn't much better either, kept dropping the ball, missing / dodging the ball (wth right). Much to improve much to improve. And we don't have a coach anymore, or rather it seems like it. Now the guys are the ones taking charge of trainings. Anyway, it's times like these when i wished I was a guy. Seeing them bat, AW DAMN. They are just so good (talking about the ones who actually know the sport) , the swings are perfect and coupled with their strength, they just send the balss way way way way out. There are a handful of cute(if i may say so) and really pro japanese softballers too. And their throws ,though fast, it was smack right into the centre of my glove la!!!! HOW MANY GUYS CAN DO THAT! tell me tell me tell me! Usually it's damn fast and wild, especially when they get excited during games. Eeesh.
I suppose I will back in softball! One of the girls asked me if I was interested in competitive again. I only told her "when i get back my form". Pitching is like the hardest for me to get back right now man. It's so hard, but when you get it. The sense of satisfaction feels like no other.
All right, back to studying for my Management Accounting test. Sigh. Thank God I have Micheal Jackson to listen to. |
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Really, I need to learn when to shake my head and walk away. With everything coming down on me, I'm not too sure when I will be able to stop for a moment and catch a breath. And academics are slowly sliding further and further away.
Wait a minute. It's only week 2. |
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 Up was such a refreshing, light hearted yet deep movie. Carl Fredricksen is a 78 year old widower who clings on to the dearest memory of his late wife. Her first and last wish since they were kids was to build their home on the top of Paradise Falls in South America. When she passes away, Carl decides to fulfill her wish by flying to Paradise Falls in the only way he knows how --- balloons (he's a balloon seller). On his way he encounters this charming and persistent young boy scout Russell. Comedic moments ensues thereafter. However, the most touching moment was when Carl sacrificed his house to save Russell. His house which meant his entire life, all his happy memories with his wife. i don't know if I would be able to let it go just like that. And that was the main message of all , we just have got to learn to let things go because when the time comes, somethings are worth remembering but we got to move on because there so many more bigger things coming our way. And should we fail to keep our hands free when that moment comes, it'll simply sail by. I really like the picture above. It's so apt. It just shows how much Carl is burdened by not letting the past go in contrast to Russell who is ready to embrace anything. We just gotta keep moving. 2 thumbs up to pixar! Have you moved on. |
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clarajeanette's journal